Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Those 'guiding' days


In case the title has conned you into believing that this post is about making life altering crucial decisions – choosing the way to go when presented with a fork in the road in the woods or the guiding force that goes into making such choices, I’m sorry I would have to disappoint you because this is rather an absolutely frivolous memory from my very own “sea of lived experiences and memories”, belonging to a time that is about a decade in the past and recently washed ashore, spilling into my waking thoughts.

Circa 2005
Nagpur

Though I knew a bit about Scouting and Guiding from my previous school and camping out sounded like something of an adventure to me and I was in awe of all those who were a part of it, I surely wasn’t expecting to have my share of this particular adventure, until, of course, I joined my school at Nagpur. Here, opting to be a part of Scouts and Guides was not an option; everyone was a part of it by default!

And as luck would have it, I was also one of the students who were selected to attend a testing camp, which was to be held in another school, not very far away. I wonder how my parents agreed to it because it involved – 1) staying away from home, though just for two days and (2) missing classes and neither of these two were very appealing for them, so I’m guessing they might have relented on my insistence.

I remember how, to our teachers’ displeasure, we were allowed to miss some classes and complete our ‘log books’ – which was basically copying chunks of the Scouts and Guides pocket book into our notebooks. We would sit outside the classrooms, in the corridors, scribbling, so that way the teachers would also know that we were not out in the playground squandering the liberty that we were given. That’s not all, even after school hours, we would meet at one of the team mates’ house and carry on scribbling madly, maybe drawing strength and enthusiasm from this collective, mindless marking of pages. Oh, and the log book had to be ‘beautified’ too. Back in those days, that translated into us ‘shading’ the pages with crayons post writing, ‘designing’ each page differently. It was only later that I realised how I had gone a little overboard with the ‘shading’ and ‘designing’ process and was scared to submit my log book even to our group leader.

The D-Day, rather the D-Evening arrived. The ‘team’ which had to represent our school in the ‘alien territory’ assembled for the ‘mission briefing’ in the familiar premises of our school. We were to be accompanied by a teacher, the group leader. With our bags packed for every possible situation that could occur, we set out for the camp.

                                **************************************************
We arrived at the camp the same evening. It was a journey of just about an hour. Our group leader found out about the accommodation allotted to us and directed the scouts and the guides to their respective rooms. She was to stay with us. [We envied the luck of our scout team mates as they would get to live unrestrained, unsupervised. But as they’ll later recount, their block had some issues with electricity, so they got to have their own set of (mis)adventures!]

For the next two days, a strange classroom was to be our home. We were given the schedule of all the tests that were to happen next day. The whole experiencing of living in the ‘camp’ was one big test! I don’t know about the rest of them, but when I heard that anyone of us could be picked to lead the ‘B.P. 6’ morning exercise, I was totally unsettled.
Despite the strange surroundings, I slept like a log, only to be woken up at what seemed to me the middle of the night. At 4:30 am! A fellow guide (I’m going to call her K), woke us all up. As annoyed as I was, I knew I couldn’t afford to go back to sleep. We donned our uniforms and set out of our block. There was still no trace of the Sun in the sky but to my amazement there were other people who were up and about! The only thing that made the situation a little more bearable was the ‘morning’ tea.

The first activity of the day, the much dreaded exercise session didn’t begin till 6 am, so we just sat there, taking in the fresh air. Later, the drill was endured constantly praying and muttering ‘please not me, please don’t pick me’ under my breath, while all the participants of the camp stood in a circle and the camp director picked scouts and guides at random to lead the exercise. For once, the odds remained in my favour and I came out of this activity unscathed.

Then began the other, actual tests – written, oral, practical – in that order. I remember tying the same kind of knot in a similar manner thrice before the examiner found it satisfactory, to get the signature on my tiny report card, which was necessary after having completed a particular test.

Also, the log books were to be submitted to the camp director. There were rumours that she tore/ returned the ones she didn’t feel were up to the mark. I was scared that my ‘beautified’ log book might meet the same end.

That evening, the camp threw a curveball that none of us expected. A ‘cultural night’. Performances were to be done by the participants. And it was competitive. Groups from other schools seemed to be well prepared for it but we had no clue that something like this would happen. But K, our human alarm clock, had a solution to this too. She knew a folk song; she choreographed it for us then and there. We were painfully under rehearsed, uncoordinated and without proper ‘costumes’. It was embarrassing! But for the lack of an alternative, this was our entry for the night.

It was our turn; we hesitantly went on with our performance. A few minutes into it and to everybody’s surprise, the camp director rose from her seat and joined us! The lull gave way to loud cheering! This was the best turn of events we could have asked for! We were thrilled, absolutely delighted. And no points for guessing the winners of the cultural night!

As deliriously happy that we were and all praise for K for devising the plan at the eleventh hour. We (including our group leader) still asked her not to wake us up at 4:30 am again!

Next day was to be the concluding day of the camp, which started with ‘Sarva Dharma Prarthna’ and I remember zoning out for a good part of it. Prizes and certificates were also distributed. And I don’t remember much else happening on that day, except that we did not leave until evening. I’m not sure if I remember this correctly but I think one of the guides from our group left without informing the group leader because she lived nearby. That caused some frenzy, but we were later able to confirm that she had reached home.

Oh! And I got back my log book – saabut – in one piece and I even got an ‘A’ in it!

Now all I was looking forward was to reach home soon, which for some reasons I don’t remember, didn’t happen any sooner. But we managed to get into the last jam packed city bus to home, maybe the last test of our patience and endurance. And that was it.

Mischief managed.

  
  
   

Monday, 16 May 2016

Nornings are nice :)


[ For those unaware of the term 'Norning' : http://www.lunarbaboon.com/comics/norning.html ]


It dates back to the time of those glorious summer vacations from school, when the 'holidays home work' was completed as soon as we could - perhaps within a week so that we could spend the rest of the vacation at our Nani's place. This used to be the most awaited part of the whole year.

And thanks to the long power cuts (no, seriously!) - when the necessity of electricity escaped us, we could revel in the luxury of sleeping on the terrace, under a clear-bright-starlit sky. I remember being the last one to fall asleep, every night, too busy tracing constellations and recalling their names from my science textbook. Too busy marvelling at the beauty of it all.

It was during these vacations that I experienced the word 'norning', way before I actually came across it.

I open my eyes to a pale blue sky. The sun was nowhere near the horizon, but the birds were up and chirping, so I knew morning was approaching. It was misty and there was a certain kind of stillness all around - the good kind! I could hear Gurbaani from the nearby Gurudwara and bhajans from the nearby police training camp. These hymns floated in the air, distinctly, one never overshadowing the other. It seemed that apart from these voices, the whole world was still under the covers of slumber.

I was experiencing this - the norning and it wasn't long before I fell asleep again. Only to finally wake up 4-5 hours later when the sun shone brightly, having moved quite far from the horizon and people were taking turns to wake me up!

They say I'm not a morning person!
Well, of course I'm not! I'm a norning person!

                                  ***********************

It was for the first time that I could make sense of what it was to get 'transferred' - the whole 'take all your stuff with you and leave behind the place you've known for a while and bid adieu to your friends and head to a new place where you'll have to repeat this cycle' process.

Okay, back then it was just the 'leaving this place' part that I realised was happening.

How many times in your life do you get a chance to 'travel' in a goods carrier truck? Well, this transfer gave me the chance! And I made the most of it!

I sat in the co-driver seat with my dad and as a responsible co-driver, I didn't sleep a wink! (Oh, forgot to mention, this journey happened during night). The roads looked different, the usual traffic had given way to the freight carrying jumbo trucks (we were in a smaller specimen of this category). It was dark and all I could sense was the cool wind, the sound of vehicles passing by and the songs that they played! I swear I even remember one of those being played in the truck right in front of us! In all my wide eyed appreciation of this incomparable experience, the journey didn't seem very long.

The darkness was dissipating. We were not very far from our (intermediate) destination when we took a halt, the driver stopped by a Gurudwara and paid a visit - for a spiritual refill!

There it was, though with similar elements as before - the Gurbaani, the cold misty air - a brand new norning!

I think words don't do justice to this particular norning, but the peace I felt was unprecedented and it remains indelible in my mind, to this day.

                                 *************************

It's around 1 A.M. and I'm homeward bound in an auto rickshaw (with my family, to meet more of the family :P ). It's not a norning, but I do feel the wind against my face and in my hair, it's refreshing and makes me totally forget about the exhausting journey we had undertook that day. And I have this teeny-weeny epiphany.

I was then reading this book 'The Tao of Pooh' by Benjamin Hoff and it said that happiness lies more in the sweet anticipation of reaching your destination than in actually being there. It lies more in the moment just before you're about to taste success.

And these moments are no different from nornings - you know the dark of night has passed and you're sure of what is coming. You know morning will follow, the morning you've waited for all this while. But still, it's the quiet of the norning, the pleasant stillness, the lightness of guilt free inactivity is what you'll cherish the most.

Because nornings are nice. In fact, they are the nicest :)

Tuesday, 9 February 2016

Monotony

Blinking, opening eyes
to the same old fading cream walls and white ceiling and the old fan with blades gathering dust
hours past the dawn
with tired eyes and scrambled thoughts -
thoughts like changing frequencies of a radio
hopping from that song, to that person, to nightmares last dreamt,
to the misty realisation of yet another day
to be lived through - survived again.


Mustering might to get up, on feet
to repeat regular rituals
with the happiest, upbeat tunes that could be found
To delaying a solitary meal, as much as I could
the drudgery of it
and the dreaded stillness thereafter,
ignoring the pile of books meant to be read besides me.


The stillness breaks not before noon
joined by familiar faces,
I'm conscious of my voice, the sound of my laughter
I wish it'd stay.


That half hearted tryst with newspaper, 
I find myself wandering to places far
in time and space
when the things were better, when they were worse -
the past, the present and the imagined.
I take up fiction, tracing the lanes of a different world, losing my way
Not without getting sucked into the nothingness of reality from time to time
The uneventful nothingness of now
and the fear of its continuity
and it's overwhelming presence accompanies me to bed,
where I tenaciously wait for words to take it away
or tears to wash it down - 
None. 
None gives me clarity as I slowly give in to the desired unconsciousness of sleep
knowing of a tomorrow
that has to be lived through, 
survived again.

[Free writing: Knots]

 My brain is in knots. I imagine my brain to be made wholly of knots - some might even say the imagery is close to the actual gyri and sulci...