Sentimental obsessions and how to maintain illusions

(Thank you, Jaasirah - for reminding me that I have people who look forward to read my attempts at writing ♥️)

Fall head over heels with the idea of them

Put the idea on pedestal

Freeze it in concrete

No argument, no evidence, no word of advice

Should tilt it even a speck

They are perfect

Notice the little details

Remember - run through them obsessively

Guard them as your most prized possessions

A treasure nobody envies

Live in the memories of the good old days

Take the wrong signs when there were none, Thank the Universe

Hold on to them with all your heart

Believe - it will all fall into place someday

Someday soon

Intoxicate yourself with this bittersweet illusion

Be a happy fool

(You'll know soon enough)

Let time pass, let the slow realisation trickle in

Leave a thousand tiny bruises

Overlook them

Be amused with the web you weaved for yourself -

Sit. Struggle. Waddle. Rejoice.

Close your eyes, this is your happy place.

It will weather on its own, don't worry

There's no point going against the current

Deep breaths. Float. Be washed ashore.

The idea is gone.

Replace it with another.

Fear

Fear
The four letter word
I find myself in grip of 
Even when spring arrives and winter has let loose its claws
The permanent resident deep down within my chest that sets my body quivering with every breath I take

Fear
My constant companion besides my pillow 
No, it is not the darkness and demons that I fear
It is the breathless chase in the dark 
In my way too realistic dreams
That throw me alive on my bed the next morning

Fear
Of never making it
Of never being enough
Of living and dying mediocre,
And alone
(Your cliche is my reality that stabs me in the gut everyday)

Fear
Of being unnoticed, unheard
Of saying too much,
Too little 
And saying it wrong
Of opening up and being mocked

Fear
Of being visible and judged

Fear
"What does it feel like to have your feelings reciprocated?"

Fear
Of it all ending too soon,
And never having lived at all.

Fear
Of summoning your fears,
Hoping they'd be gentle
And I won't have to live through them

Fear: You are wrong.

Unspoken

What do you do of the words
you can't speak out loud?

Bite your tongue, roll them back
Dwell on them a little longer
( For how long?)

Let the feelings take the shape -
Decide every syllable, every stress, every pause
The rise and the fall of your quivering voice

Or let them overwhelm you
Let them drag you to the quicksand
Of no escape
So that they haunt you day in and day out

Let them burn in the wildest of fury
Let them leave their ashes at the back of your throat for you to choke on

Let them rise, let them pulsate through your body
till it feels like your heart is going to explode from holding them in for too long

Let them beat and thump and scratch your insides
Till the dent is made, and the blinding light escapes

Let them pour out of your eyes - char their path..

What do you do of the words you can't speak out loud!

You take them to your grave,
And hope there is an afterlife
Where they would be set free.