Phone calls - I would dodge them, avoid them, won't make them. Unless absolutely critical. Unless it is a part of my daily routine.
It is not some introvert schtick I'm putting up which would make me more endearing nor am I making an excuse (okay it might be that). It is this squeamish feeling inside my chest, the feeling of my voice box being in knots and the quivering voice that comes out when I first begin to talk. As cliched as it might sound, I have let out many sighs of relief when the person I'm calling doesn't pick up - the speed at which I send a follow-up text is, I think, only beaten by the speed of light!
I'm not entirely a loser when it comes to communication - I would rather write you a 10 page essay than make or take that call.
What is it, I mean, what is it about phone calls!?!
I often think to myself.
What is this vulnerability that I feel that comes along? What is this scary sense of intimacy - your voice and its intonation ready to betray you and convey to the listener all that you might be feeling - in real time! There's hardly any time to cover up!
But when I let go of a little bit of my inhibition, the things that irk me become the most rewarding! Once I have crossed a certain threshold - once this feeling of...ummm...what is it...acceptance? Yes feels like it... Once that creeps up on me, in a good way, then I'm there to stay! Then I'm an ace listener, a witty interjector and a fine storyteller (or that is what I would like to tell myself and have others believe). Then reading and understanding the emotions in the speaker's voice becomes a delightful exercise and concluding a conversation becomes a little sad.
Sweet sweet dichotomy!
Okay then, I have some calls to make that I've been postponing for months! Bye!
