Why did she cry?

But why? Why did she cry? 
Was being a girl her fault, or being the second one was, 
For the name and "pride" was not to be carried forward? 
Why, why did she cry? 
Because to be loved, she had to be docile, 
Submission, forgetting herself for a while, 
For a very long while... 
Because to become everyone's favourite, 
She had to burn herself and shine, 
Carrying the burden of expectations and pressure, 
She evolved into a lady, just fine. 
While the world praised what she had made herself into , by her determination and hard work; 
How she touched lives around with her kindness, 
How she made people around happy 
And brightened their lives with her smile, 
How she valued people, sentiments and relations 
How much she cared about everything - yes everything. 
But herself. 
Her soul, beyond the world's sight 
Her soul, like an unkempt, dried up garden 
Crumbling down, hurt; 
Waited for showers, healing and love.. 
The weeds of fear, grew stronger each day, 
The seasons changed, the fears changed, but they didn't go away.. 
Nor did the pain. 
She sought love, 
But mistaken as she was- outside herself, 
Forgotten she had to love herself.. 
For every time she tried, 
She got nothing but a scar. 
Somewhere deep inside 
It ran through her mind 
That the soul is often defeated from the flesh, 
That care was rarely noticed, let be appreciated 
That even suffering is now inevitable. 
"If the painful screams inside my head ever escape, 
They'll shatter the glasses around the world, or maybe just the city?" 
She'll say this to herself, laugh and sigh. 
So, what made her cry? 
The emotional and worldly failures? 
Rejection? 
The despair of giving and not getting? 
Ignorance? 
Bereavement? 
Betrayal? Inability to forgive? 
The pressure to stay calm, smile and pretend its all fine? 
Or will be one day? 
That one day, the fairy tale will come true? 
Hopelessness? Helplessness? 

She tries, still tries.. 
To fix herself, fight her fears, to heal her soul.. 
To love herself, inspite all.. 
To reach the end, achieve her goal.. 
She crawls on her way, sees the speeding passers by.. 
Laughs and tells herself - 
"I'm a slow learner to the lessons of life" 

But, that is how- by going slow, she was, without knowing, 
Was learning more, growing more, absorbing more of life, 

Maybe, one day, she'll learn to love herself 
One day, she'll discover a new way, or better, make one of her own, 
One day, she'll find what she has yearned for- all these years.. 
And finally, she'll realise, it was all worth her tears :)