Communication, with self and others, forms a vital part of anyone's life. It is indeed a blessing, to be able to speak your heart out to a person without the fear of being judged, with the assurance that she/ he is there to be a part of your celebrations and your support in your woes. You call them friends. We start being friends with people even before we could define 'a friend' or 'friendship' using fancy words or multi-layered definitions, at times even before we could spell it. It comes so naturally to us and it seems nothing short of magical to me - how one day you find something, anything common with a stranger, a stranger who is in some manner connected to you and there! You have a friend!
Over time we meet so many people, some become our friends and remain with us while we lose some through our journey of life. The latter experience is never pleasant but it is only beneficial to accept that their part in our lives are over and it is better to forgive and forget.
I was blessed enough to have many friends throughout my life and I lost some too - to time, to distances, to frivolity.
School was great. I made friends really easily. No one really gave a thought to the complexities associated with this word. You spent time with people with whom you liked spending time with. As simple as that. You played with your friends, helped them with homework when they fell sick, danced with them, participated in school activities with them, giggled without reason in class with them, have been punished together and never hesitated to go to their house and you loved their family too. You fought with them too, but it never lasted more than a day. This innocence was beautiful.
I changed places. Changed schools and leaving a place and your friends behind was never easy. What's funny is that they were soon replaced with new friends and it seemed ok then. As I grew up, friends became more difficult to find. No, I am not talking about classmates who sweet-talked to you, for their motives and then talked ill about you behind your back and still claimed to be your friends. They were in abundance, everywhere. Sadly, I realised this fact the tough way. But I'm glad I learnt my lesson.
After class 10th, streams changed too. None of my friends opted for humanities. But they kept in touch. Period. And I found more friends for the rest of my time in school.
A bigger change was yet to come. College. I was supposed to stay away from home. Survival on your own was neither possible, nor necessary. I had never been forced before to share a space with so many strangers, some of them later became my friends. The change was huge and making friends was difficult than ever before. Not to forget that I was losing my school friends who thought that I had 'changed' after coming to Delhi. ( I had no other option but to change and adapt, you idiot-who-was-still-enjoying-the-luxuries-of-home! Only if you could have been a little patient!). I lost friends over petty fights. Nothing seemed to mend those broken friendships. Or maybe it was just for the good. The Universe had its way of taking away people from your lives and replacing them with better ones. It is a never ending scheme I guess. I really never regretted losing my school friends, I hardly talk to any of them. I don't feel the loss because college made me meet so many amazing people!
I found a friend in my room mate and because of her I met so many other people, who became friends. I found friends in my residence block, other blocks - my seniors, my batch mates, my classmates, juniors.
I found friends who could assess how I was feeling just by the way I talked. I had friends with whom I went out for movies and eat-outs. There were friends in residence I could approach and ask for food at 1 am. There were friends who took care of me when I was sick. There were friends who kept their rooms so organised that I just went to their room to feel at home. There were friends who were ready to help me anyway possible. There were friends with whom the mess food became bearable. Who just smiled at me whenever they saw me in the corridors. There were friends who were like my family. There were friends with whom I could never run out of things to talk about. The ones I danced like crazy with. The ones I sang mushy songs with. There were friends who hugged me when I felt bad. Who fought with me first and became my friends later. There were friends I wish I knew a little longer. Friends who listened to me and supported me, saw me cry during fests ( and otherwise), made me laugh, inspired me to do more and picked me up when I failed. And then, there were friends, whom I loved a lot and could do anything possible for them.
(Also, there were people I just wanted to punch in the face. I tried turning them into friends but it was useless.)
I miss college not just for the beautiful lawns or the beautiful red brick building, I miss it more for the people I met there! Who made the college a beautiful memory, something I would always want to visit again.
But then recently, I was posed with a question, rather a choice, of picking certain people as my friends and leaving the others, just so that no one complaints of being ignored.
Could I have ever done that?
Never.
I learnt something from everyone I met. They are like a part of my memory, a part of me. I could choose the people I spend more time with, choose who matters to me more, has more of my attention and choose who is closer to me, but I can't let anyone go. I can't imagine college with just one set of people and never meeting, never getting to know others. In fact, surprisingly enough, I always found friends at the times when I needed them. I never experienced any clash as such, I never really had to choose between friends. Neither would I want to.
But I do realise, that people have limited time and they can't be everywhere. I might feel bad at times - the people I give my time might not be able to do the same for me. Letting go friends is really difficult, but sometimes its the only option we have left with and the best one too. "Nobody is infallible, but then nobody is indispensable either."
I'll trust the scheme of the Universe for now and hope that I'll have friends who will stay so that I don't have to let go, again.
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